Let’s give a warm welcome to our Distribution Correspondent, Rider! Now Rider, last week you gave us a distro that I don’t think captured the essence of a “nice looking, easy distro.”
I’m sorry, I’ll try harder this time.
That’s alright, but this week I need you to think really hard about this. I need a nice looking, easy distro for people to be able to just install and use.
Got one! This week’s hottest distro is Arch. Located in the lava-filled pit between Mars from Doom and the Fires of Mount Doom, this distro makes you ask the question “WHY?” This place has everything: nerds, Nerds, and T.E.
Total Elitism. You know, it’s that thing where, when someone’s Windows computer Blue Screens, makes you jump through their window, yell “INSTALL ARCH, BTW!” and Naruto run back to your house. I’m pretty sure it’s in the AUR.
Rider, Rider, Rider. *sigh* I just don’t think you’re getting the point of this.
Did I do something wrong?
I just don’t think Arch is a friendly distro for new users. Do you have something else a little more approachable?
Let me think… Oh! This week’s hottest distro is Linux From Scratch. Written using glue and Richard Stallman’s back hair, this distro has led to more persistent myths about Linux than any of the other distros combined.
This distro has everything: a manual to read, an overwhelming weight of dread, and is that Richard Stallman? No, it’s the physical manifestation of your body odor and hunger from the two weeks of doing nothing but installing software from source! And after you finish that, you get a system that may only be slightly faster than a standard distro.
That’s not inviting either.
Oh, did I say Linux from Scratch? I meant “Friend from Scratch.” Because everyone knows that if you install Linux from Scratch you have no friends.
Focus, Rider. I’m going to give you one last chance, but it has to be something approachable for people who have never used Linux before.
Got it! This week’s actual hottest distro is CentOS. Located both right behind and in front of Red Hat, this distro is the sloppy seconds that everyone wants. Named after Abraham Lincoln, this distro is just as full of energy as its namesake.
CentOS has everything: Linus Torvald’s lost dog, packages that were out of date 5 years ago, and a whole lot of CS.
CS? As in Computer Science?
No, Caveman scribbles.
…Right. Well, until next week; Rider, everybody!